A Potty Training Survival Guide
© 2008 Laura Sateriale, Laura@WavGirl.Com.
What the Parenting Magazines and Books Won't Tell You
People keep telling you that every kid is different, but that sentiment offers little consolation. You've tried everything, and your kid refuses to potty train. Sometimes, you feel like it will never happen. I'm here to tell you that it will!
If you ask a pediatrician for advice, they won't usually offer many suggestions. You will be told that she will train when she is ready. This is an acceptable answer until your child is three and a half and you're tired of changing diapers! It's true that you can't force a child to train if she is too young, but some will refuse to learn at all. This is the point at which you need to make some decisions. What approach do you want to take as a parent? What will work best her?
>Don't look back
If you feel your child is old enough but is very stubborn, decide one day that he/she will never wear a diaper again. Stick to your decision. Be prepared for lots of accidents, which means you're in for some heavy-duty cleaning and laundry. When my daughters had "accidents", I pre-washed their clothes in the sink in our laundry room and kept them there until I was doing laundry again in the morning. Invest in Clorox wipes for quick clean-ups.
It's a big deal!
Remember that this is a major change. She needs constant reassurance. This might mean acting like you won the lottery with each successful bathroom trip. Let her know how proud you are of her, and put a lot of focus on words like proud and big kid.
Have patience
This is going to take a while, but remember that it is frustrating for your child just as much as it is for you. You might feel angry when she's had her fourth accident of the day, but yelling or time out won't work. Speak firmly. Tell her it's OK to have an accident sometimes, but that she needs to use the potty. If your child has this problem, it could be that she is easily distracted. Start out with reminders at regular intervals, and she will soon surprise you by taking initiative. It's a big change for her to become aware of something she never had to keep track of before. It may be easier to start training on a weekend or when you have a few days at home. Consistency is key.
Accidents will happen
Even after she has been trained for a while, accidents will still happen on occasion. Over time, this will change.
Nights are more difficult
Don't expect your child to go to the bathroom at night until she is confident. Training pants are a good option in the interim.
Establish a reward system
I've heard many ideas for this. Take her to the store and let her pick out some underwear. Buy her a movie or small toy that she's been asking for, and keep it in a cabinet that you open regularly (but that she cannot reach). This will remind her that she will be rewarded the first time she successfully uses the potty. Fill a "grab bag" with small toys and let her reach for one each time she uses the potty. Keep track of her success with a chart and gold stars. Be creative! Find out what sparks her interest. Over time, you can cut down on rewards until the behavior is expected of her.
Reward yourself!
This has been a trying experience for you. Take some of the money you would have spent on diapers and treat yourself to lunch or a shopping trip. You deserve it!
What about the "big potty"?
If you used a small "training potty", the idea of using the toilet will lead to extreme reactions. It will either terrify her, or she will think it's great. To ease this transition, buy a foam toilet seat which fits right over your existing one. This makes the seat smaller and less intimidating. Also, step stools will help her climb onto the toilet by herself and make her less fearful of the height.
Some tips are questionable
I must reiterate the fact that all children are different, but in our case, videos and books did not help. A young child can learn a lot from these resources, but an older child already knows what she needs to do. It became merely a matter of stubbornness.
