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Laura's Pregnancy Journal 2.0
© Laura Lee Grant Sateriale, Laura@WavGirl.Com.
Common Abbreviations
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TTC - Trying to Conceive
OTL - Open to Life
M/C - Miscarriage
CD - Cycle Day
U/S - U/S
RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist
(Fertility Specialist)
HSG - Hysterosalpingogram
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OPK - Ovulation Predictor Kit
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
2WW - Two Week Wait
(after ovulation, before you can test)
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BFN - "Big Fat Negative" (on a HPT)
BFP - "Big Fat Positive" (on a HPT)
PG - Pregnant
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[Laura]
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He's here! William Alexander arrived as planned on May 7th at 8:46 AM,
weighing 8 lbs., 3 oz. and measuring 21 inches long. His apgar scores were 8 and 9, and he is amazingly healthy.
I was very nervous about the c-section, but I still can't believe how easy the whole process actually was. The nurse
had a LOT of trouble getting my IV in (I still have bruises all over both my hands), and the catheter was every bit
as uncomfortable as I remembered. My biggest concern was nausea. I was very sick throughout Molly and Mia's delivery.
To my surprise, I made it through without ever getting sick! The surgery itself was very different from the last, since
I was completely numb and barely even felt pressure. Micah was prepared with the cell phone, camera, and camcorder. The
anesthesiologist encouraged him to look over the sheet when Will was about to be delivered, and he even caught the whole
thing on video. I'm not sure when I'll be ready to watch that!
The hospital staff was absolutely amazing. I didn't encounter
a single person who was rude in any way. They were less strict about things in general, such as letting me eat lunch
the day of surgery and allowing me to move around whenever I wanted.
I was out of bed by 3:00 PM the day of surgery and walking
around well by the following morning. I impressed the staff so much that they let us both go home on Wednesday morning!
I was relieved to get back home to the girls.
I ended up deciding to pump again, since Will never took well to breastfeeding. He
likes the bottle, and I don't mind. It will make his transition easier later on. He is a very alert baby. He's very
mellow, but has a temper when he doesn't like something (i.e. changings or when he's very hungry). He's also very strong
and active. You can actually see the bassinet moving when he kicks.
Molly and Mia are very excited. They're very gentle with Will, and understand that
they need to be quiet when he is asleep. Micah is nervous about handling him. I think he was expecting Will to seem much
bigger, since he wasn't premature like the girls. However, he's gradually gaining back his confidence. We are a happy
family, and we truly feel complete.
I Feel: Elated 
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[Laura]
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Each day is far more uncomfortable than the last. I am still
able to keep up my routine on the treadmill. To my surprise, I haven't needed to slow down at all.
However, little things like carrying laundry and walking upstairs have become exhausting tasks. My feet, ankles,
and hands swell a lot when I keep busy for a long time, which always scares me because that is part of the reason
I was induced last time! I am exactly 36 weeks. This means I have never made it this far in pregnancy before. It's
a strange feeling, and definitely new territory. I just can't believe that Will is scheduled to arrive three weeks
from today. Let's hope my body decides to hang on for that much time!
I Feel: Exhausted 
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[Laura]
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Will has settled into a head-down position and seems to be staying there. It doesn't
really matter, in my case. He has been sticking his bum out, just above my belly button. It's a strange sight! My doctor
says I've been measuring 1-2 weeks ahead, on average. I have gained 36 lbs. altogether. It will all be over in 4.5 weeks.
I am anxious to put surgery behind me and hold Will! It has been such a long journey for us, and we are so close to being
complete as a family.
I Feel: Uncomfortable 
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[Laura]
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I can't believe this is week 30. The 3D/4D ultrasound was great. The technician
couldn't believe how active Will is, and thought he was "big for 32 weeks" (she thought I was 32, not 30). As she
put it, he "has great muscle tone". I have a feeling he's going to be a big baby! It was interesting to have a visual
to go along with the kicks and punches I feel all the time. He always manages to wake me up from a deep sleep or make me
jump from my seat and yell "Owww!". This is definitely a strong baby, and I didn't know that his kicks could be so painful!
Will looks just like Molly, from what we can see. He has the same chubby cheeks and
pouty mouth. Micah was completely fascinated!
I Feel: Happy
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[Laura]
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I received a date for surgery in the mail. It had been set to Wednesday, May 9th.
I called the office, and learned that this was because my doctor was on vacation until that date. I asked if it could be
bumped up by two days, and she said that a different doctor (female) would do my surgery as a result.
That's fine with me, since I don't really like my current doctor. She wasn't sure what she could do because the other
doctor is usually in the office on Mondays. Well, I got a call back a few minutes later. My cesarean is tentatively
changed to May 7th (my birthday). We will know if this is final in the next week or so. I hope it works out.
I feel like I've been bombarded with pregnancy symptoms in the past week. I
have severe heartburn and indigestion, hot flashes, stress headaches, and my whole body aches. A few stretch marks also popped up
in the last two days. I figured it would happen this way, since they didn't show up until around 29 weeks last time.
It's getting more difficult to keep up with house work and the kids, but I always manage. Micah helps me as much as he
can. He surprised me with new pajamas yesterday, and he massages my back almost daily.
I don't know how moms are able to go through this without a good support system! The ultrasound is tomorrow, so I'll post
the pictures and video as soon as I can.
I Feel: Tired
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| Wednesday, February 28, 2007 |
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[Laura]
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I finally got a call from the other OB-GYN office. The nurse sounded confused, then
told me that they got my records, but that they don't allow VBACs either. I still don't understand why I was told otherwise!
When I went for my appointment with my regular doctor, they had already taken me off their records and canceled the appointment.
I'm not sure why this happened either, since I only told them I was looking into another place and never indicated that I
was leaving. I was not happy! They fixed everything, but still acted pretty rude about it.
I lost 3 lbs. since my last visit, which brings me to 27 lbs. total in 29 weeks.
Everything else looks good. The doctor decided to be painfully honest with me about their policies and how things will
probably play out. I felt like a kid who was being reprimanded for doing something wrong. He said that I have about a 5%
chance of a VBAC, because most of the doctors in the area just don't allow them. Even those who do normally can't accommodate
one because they're short-staffed. He even said that if I went into labor at 3:00 in the morning, the doctors would be "annoyed"
that they would have to come out to do a c-section. None of this makes sense to me, but I can't find another doctor. I just gave in.
They are going to schedule surgery for May 7th or May 8th. I'll probably have the date and time next week. I'm hoping for May 7th, since
that is my birthday. We'll see.
I'm having a hard time accepting that I'll never have that perfect birth scenario
I envisioned. I'll never be handed my child right after birth to relax and bond. I also know deep down that this surgery
is entirely unnecessary. I'm almost hoping that he turns out to be breech or a large baby so that there's some means to
justify it all. There is one thing that will be different, though. Will is going to be a full-term, healthy baby. I won't
spent hours desperately trying to sit up in bed after surgery to get to the special care nursery. I also think it will
be a good opportunity for Will and I to have some quiet time together before returning home. Maybe I can even look at it
as a bit of a vacation away from house cleaning, laundry, and cooking. I've never been away from Molly and Mia for more than
a few hours, so Micah will have to bring them by daily! My parents are going to stay at a hotel for the week and help
with the kids while I'm in the hospital.
Micah knew I was upset about not being able to spend a lot of time with Will right after
his birth. He didn't really know what to say or how to make me feel better. He suggested that we go for a 3D/4D ultrasound, so
I booked an appointment for next Tuesday. I think it will be nice, and we can point out resemblances. We went twice with
Molly and Mia, after all!
I Feel: Alright 
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| Thursday, February 15, 2007 |
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[Laura]
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It's week 27. According to some, this is the beginning of the third trimester.
I had an appointment on Tuesday, and everything is still "textbook perfect". I've gained 30 lbs., which the doctor
thinks is OK. I guess it is true that you tend to gain weight more easily in subsequent pregnancies, and I'll make
myself feel better by writing it off as "water weight". I drink nearly a gallon of spring water each day, so it's possible -
Right? Just let me believe that!
The doctor says there's "no reason on earth" why I shouldn't be able to have a VBAC.
The risk of rupture is 1%, and even less in my case. However, what I did not know is that the practice changed its policies
in the last six months. Some of their doctors refuse VBACS under any circumstances. That means that when I go into labor,
I have to take a gamble and hope one of those doctors is not on call. If they are, I'll automatically be sent in for a
c-section. I don't mind surgery, but I simply don't want it when it's not necessary. I spent the last two days trying
to find a new doctor. It took calls to about 12 offices, but I finally found a practice that not only accepts my
health insurance, but also allows VBACS. All of their doctors are on board for that. I requested to have my records
sent to them, and the doctors will decide whether they are willing to take me on at this stage. I would be able to go
to a different hospital. Unlike the first, they allow children from age three to be present for the birth. I don't want
them to be there, but it's good to know that it's possible in case it takes a while for my parents to get here. I
wouldn't need to pay extra to have a private room there, either. Keep your fingers crossed! Now, if only I could find
an on-call babysitter...
Will is one strong kid! He kicks and punches me so hard now that I can watch
my belly move. It has even woken me up at night a few times. I remember needing to stay still in order to feel him move,
but now it's evident no matter what I'm doing. My abdomen is huge, in my opinion, and the weight of it really hurts
my lower back. Carrying laundry or one of the kids up the stairs can leave me feeling winded, yet using the treadmill
never phases me. I still love to work out, and I know that will not change.
I Feel: Nervous 
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| Thursday, January 18, 2007 |
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[Laura]
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My last appointment went well. I am still measuring right on track. I've gained
20 lbs. so far. The doctor thought that was fine, but I am hoping to slow things down a bit. I didn't realize until
a few days ago that I was eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. Changing my habits was not at all difficult!
I also have continued to walk about 2 - 2.5 miles daily on the treadmill, six days each week. That really keeps my
energy high.
Only one doctor suggested a scheduled c-section. Everyone else in the practice
has given me a choice. I feel much better about that! We can't predict how things will turn out, but at least I know
a VBAC is possible. The "best-case scenario" would be an induction. We have no family living nearby, so I'm not sure
what will happen when I go into labor. My parents would head out right away, but it's a six-hour drive. Children under
seven aren't allowed in labor and delivery, so Micah would have to stay home with the kids until someone gets here. I
thought about hiring someone, but I don't know where to find a person who can be on-call like that at all hours! We have
our fingers crossed that it will all piece together in the end. We have a few months to figure it out anyway.
I love sleeping now, which is not easy with two toddlers running around! Unless Micah
has a day off or the girls feel like napping, I have to tough things out. Will seems to have his own "schedule" now
of sleep and awake periods. It feels like he has the hiccups often. I feel a stronger bond with him than I did during
my last successful pregnancy, but I attribute that to the fact that I really understand this time what it will be like when
he is born. I don't think anyone can really anticipate how they will feel as a first-time parent, even if they have
always been around children!
I Feel: Tired
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| Wednesday, December 20, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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Things are going great! I had an appointment today. I've gained 12 lbs. altogether,
and my uterus is right where it should be. Baby C had a steady heart rate of 145 BPM on the nurse's doppler.
The ultrasound followed. Micah was incredibly excited because he had not been
to any of the ones I've had so far during this pregnancy. The tech. was wonderful. She was very efficient, friendly,
and reassuring. The baby was surrounded by plenty of fluid, measured right on target, and all organs are formed which should
be at this point. I was surprised that there was no echogenic focus or choroid plexus cyst. This one is perfectly healthy,
and it feels like a textbook pregnancy! We also found out we are having a BOY! We're still shocked. His name will be
William Alexander Sateriale, and we will call him Will.
I've been a bit tired, but overall not feeling too overwhelmed with symptoms. It's become
difficult keeping up with bra sizes. It's ridiculous! I am finally starting to "show", though no one has said anything
about it in public yet. I went through containers from the attic and sorted through all the baby clothes. We had a few boy
things that I picked up over the years, but overall we are going to have to do a lot of shopping! I also found some unopened
crib bedding that we bought in 2002 when we first started TTC #1. It's a light blue pattern with sailboats. I completely forgot
about it... In fact, we had photos of it on this site for a while and planned on a nautical/lighthouse-themed nursery. Now I can
finally use it!
I Feel: Thrilled 
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| Friday, November 24, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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My doctor went over my records at my last appointment. Just as he was about
to leave, he stated that we should schedule a c-section around May 7th. I was surprised, since I didn't know
that a VBAC was not an option for me. It was a disappointing moment. He said that with my medical history and overall
"bad luck", he thinks he shouldn't risk it. He said that he doesn't usually recommend this, however. I trust this
doctor enough to believe him. It's hard giving up the ideal birth I always envisioned but will never have. For me,
the memories will always include bright lights in operating rooms.
I had a stomach bug for two days. It was horrendous. When I woke up on the second
day (Thanksgiving), the nausea had gone away, but my whole body was stiff and aching. I had the worst headache of my life.
Micah ended up preparing dinner for us, and I managed to eat half a plate of food. Today, I feel much better. I took out
the doppler and had a strange sort of bonding moment with the baby. I was so relieved to hear the heart beating, interrupted
by loud kicks. I had been terrified of food poisoning and other dangerous illnesses, but we got through this. I felt almost
proud of him/her for getting through it with me!
My next appointment is December 20th. They also scheduled the big ultrasound for
that day, right in the office. It's convenient, but not as early as we had hoped. Micah's worried about his work schedule,
since it's right before Christmas, so I might try to bump up the appointment. We'll see!
We ordered a computer armoire for the living room. The computer room is going to
become the nursery, and I know the girls will destroy my computer if I have it out in the open on a desk. After the
armoire is assembled, we can start setting everything up. I bought a beautiful crib bedding set with ladybugs a while ago,
but if it's a boy we'll eBay it and find something else. It was a good deal and I couldn't pass it up!
I Feel: Busy
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| Monday, November 13, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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The AFP test was negative! We are so relieved.
I Feel: Thankful 
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| Sunday, November 12, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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I went for the nuchal translucency ultrasound last week. The measurement
was 1.6 mm. I did a lot of research when I got home and learned that anything under 3.0 mm is considered normal.
After that, I stopped by the lab for the AFP blood test. I have been terrified about this. It checks the levels
of different proteins and can often detect Down Syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities. I initially
asked for all of this testing so I would not go through what I went through while pregnant with Molly and Mia.
Twin pregnancies throw off the levels in your blood, so I was unable to have the AFP with them. I became
more nervous when I learned my doctor requested that I do these tests because of recurrent miscarriage. Since then,
I have been a basket case. I called the lab headquarters, and a woman told me that the results should be in by
Monday (tomorrow). I am almost certain they won't give me the results over the phone, so I will need to get in
contact with one of the doctors. That might take longer. We are praying for a clear-cut negative result, since
even positive results are not always an accurate indicator.
I met one of the midwives at my OB appointment on Wednesday. She was very nice,
and I ended up having to show her where the baby was located with the doppler! He/she is apparently settling a bit lower
than where she was checking. She said my weight gain is normal so far (6 lbs. - eek!) and that my uterus is measuring
up to where it should be. To my surprise, she asked if I could feel the baby moving yet. I had been feeling "flutters"
for the past couple of days but thought people would think I was crazy if I said it was the baby! Now, if I lie very
still and flat on my back in bed, I get a very familiar feeling. It sort of feels like someone's fingers gently tickling me.
It's only in one place (right where I pick him/her up on the doppler). I hope to be back soon with good test results.
In the meantime, I have one piece of good news... I've reached the second trimester!
I Feel: Elated
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| Thursday, October 18, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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We had a bit of a scare today. I was having cramps
and lower back pain, and it was bad enough to scare me into calling Micah at work. He came
home right away. I had not heard back from the doctor's office, so I just went there. After all,
it's right down the street.
No one seemed very concerned at first. It looked like I was going
to be sent home because cramping at this stage is very normal. However, they decided to check me out quickly.
The nurse started reading over my medical history and got very concerned. She looked for a heartbeat with the
doppler but found nothing. That's when I really started to panic. She also said my blood pressure was very high,
which I expected because I was so stressed about the pain. She decided to do an ultrasound.
Normally, an ultrasound is an exciting event for me. As I sat in
the room for what felt like hours, I just prayed and felt the sweat build up on my palms. Finally, the doctor
came in to discuss some things with me. The ultrasound immediately showed the baby, with the heart beating away.
I asked if she could check the heart rate. She said it looked great, but that the particular machine they were using
didn't allow it. That explains why they've never given me a rate before. The first measurement she took was 9w0d (I'm
10w3d), and my heart sunk. She changed the angle and tried again, realizing she wasn't getting the head before, and
got back 10w0d (right on track for growth with the other ultrasounds). I could see the arms and legs dangling. It
was a relief. She explained that the uterus was still behind the pubic bone, so that's why the doppler isn't working yet.
That's when I realized why I heard Molly and Mia so much earlier (I always measured a few weeks ahead because it was
a twin pregnancy). I also learned that a singleton pregnancy (and any pregnancy after the first) is a lot different, so
the symptoms will be different. She said that at this point, I only have about a 5% chance of miscarriage, and it will drop
to nearly nothing in a few weeks when I enter the second trimester.
I Feel: Tired
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| Tuesday, October 10, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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Three years ago today (10/10/03), we saw Molly
and Mia on ultrasound for the first time and learned we were having twins. Today,
I saw Baby C move for the first time.
I didn't think I was going to have another
ultrasound, so I was pleasantly surprised when they brought me right into the room
during today's OB appointment. The doctor said my uterus measured perfectly.
On ultrasound, baby measured right on target at 8 weeks, 6 days, and has a strong
heart beat. For some reason, I have yet to see a doctor in that office zoom in on
the heart to measure and get a rate, but they always tell me it looks perfect and
I don't bother to question them. Since I can use my doppler in a week or two, I'm
close to having reassurance whenever I need it that everything is OK.
My next appointment is in about a month.
Due to the problems I had during my pregnancy with Molly and Mia, I opted for
all testing for genetic abnormalities. I am not worried, but it's better than
facing the possibility of going through the uncertainty and multiple level 2
ultrasounds again. The first step is for a nuchal ultrasound test downtown at
the hospital, which is also in about a month. My parents are going to try to visit
for a long weekend so that my mom can go with me to the appointment. I have two doctors
appointments and the girls' pediatrician appointment in four days. Micah doesn't have a
lot of time off earned yet and we haven't found a babysitter, so it's difficult.
I hope that we can find someone soon so that Micah will actually be able to go next time!
I Feel: Relieved
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| Friday, September 22, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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I am still shaking, but I can officially announce that
Baby C is OK! I can hardly believe it. This feels like a miracle.
When I found out I was pregnant, I needed
to find a new OB. I did a google search and found an office right near the house.
I called to make an appointment, but they said the Liverpool office is only open
a couple of days a week, so most of my appointments would be downtown. That was
when I found OB #2 (the one who did the ultrasound I posted previously). I liked
OB #2, but I forgot to cancel my appointment with #1. I decided to keep the
appointment. They were incredibly rude, wouldn't let me take my kids into the
room, then yelled at me because they had to babysit. Before I left, they did
an ultrasound. The technician just shook her head, told me there was no fetal
pole or heartbeat, and that I would probably need to discuss a D&C when I
went back for a follow-up. She also told me the sac was only measuring 5
weeks, which was over a week behind. Apparently, she must have meant
"5 weeks and X days", but who knows. She was an idiot. That's where the two
days of hell and the "my baby's dead" post began.
I couldn't just ignore it this time, so
I decided to go back to OB #2 (the good one) for a follow-up. I realized that
I forgot to get the double stroller out of the trunk before Micah went to work,
and I cried like a baby. I had to get there. In the end, I awkwardly tied
the umbrella strollers together with huge tiebacks. Everyone in the office
must have thought I was crazy when I walked in, shaking and sweaty, trying
to hold the strollers together. I am definitely not walking to my appointments
anymore!
The doctor did an ultrasound, and poof.
Right away, there was the baby I had not seen two days earlier, lying right
under the yolk sac, with a little heart beating away. I was shaking. I couldn't
really explain to them that I had "cheated" on them by going to another
doctor, but I did say that I was shocked that everything was OK. He patted me
on the back, said he'd see me next week, and that so far, everything was going
well.
I hope that wasn't all too confusing.
This is the oddest experience I've ever had, medically speaking. I always
used to hope for something like this to happen whenever I went to follow-up
appointments for my babies, but never in a million years did I believe it
would really happen. I am sorry for accidentally misleading everyone, and
that ultrasound tech. needs to have her license taken away!
I Feel: Thankful
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| Wednesday, September 20, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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I don't feel like talking about it publicly in depth, but we are losing our baby.
My ultrasound tonight went very badly. I don't know yet if I will need a D&C, but I need to follow up with my OB and take
things from there. This is so much harder than the others because we actually saw something concrete. I had ordered the
crib bedding I've wanted for the last year because I got a good deal, and it hasn't even come in the mail yet. I had
just bought gel for the doppler and started hanging baby clothes in the future nursery. I had even framed and displayed
the first ultrasound photo. We were just that confident. I
am more angry than sad, but I guess that is normal since it's happened so many times. I feel like this is it for us.
Molly and Mia are my life, and not a day goes by that I don't tear up thinking of what a miracle they are. I can't even
explain how they made it and turned out healthy, and that feeling of thanks is what will get us through this.
I Feel: Indescribable
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| Friday, September 15, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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You could call it the best 5th anniversary present imaginable, or Micah's favorite
birthday present. On Tuesday, I realized I was about a week late. I took a HPT about two weeks prior. It must have been
too early, but I concluded there was no way I could be pregnant and never thought about it again. I made a trip to Wal-Mart
just before it closed and picked up the cheapest test I could find (Equate). On the ride home, it just struck me. I had a gut
feeling that I was pregnant. I sat down with the test and watched. The vertical line showed up quick and dark, before the
control line did! I yelled to Micah, and he was also shocked. My first reaction was to call my sister because she just found
out she is pregnant. We learned that our cycles were only one day off, so we may end up with the same due date! I said for
years that I hoped things would work out that way for us. It's going to be so much fun!
I felt a twinge and ran to the ER the next night. I realized it was probably because I had
not eaten anything, but stayed anyway. I had blood drawn, and my quant. was 2538. That was already almost double any number
I had with my angel babies. An ultrasound tech. came in and did a quick check. She saw a "deeply implanted" sac in the uterus,
and commented that the form and shape were very good. I knew it was going well when her squinting stopped and she started to smile.
"There's a tiny sac!" she practically yelled. She knew my medical history, so I think she was just about as excited as I was.
I spent 7 pointless hours in the ER that night, but that ultrasound made it all worthwhile.
Today, I had my first OB appointment. I managed to find an office right in my neighborhood
that I could walk to! They brought me in and, to my surprise, immediately brought me to an ultrasound room. This time, we saw
the yolk sac, and I was given my first printout. Again, I never made it this far with my angels and we never saw them on
ultrasound.
So far, I'm a little bloated, occasionally nauseated (though not severely yet), and none
of my bras fit. With everything I've gone through, symptoms are one of the most reassuring things I can get. Bring them on!
We have a really good feeling about this one.
I Feel: Thankful
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| Thursday, August 31, 2006 |
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[Laura]
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As the saying goes, time heals all wounds. While I haven't gained back
my optimism, I haven't given up on baby #3 altogether. In fact, knowing that there's a doctor who will give me so
many options fuels the fire a bit. We saw our 4th Reproductive Endocrinologist in July, and he felt that we needed
to take the most aggressive approach possible. I don't think I was ready to hear that at the time, especially
because I expected to get some sort of testing. He said that because we have healthy children and my pregnancies
all ended so early, most of the possibilities were ruled out and there was nothing they could do to find the cause of
my miscarriages. I've already had all the other tests that could help, and they all came back normal.
Micah just got offered an excellent job that will put him back in retail management,
and he is excited about the change. I'm excited because it means we will have Blue Cross insurance again by mid-December.
When we had that coverage before, IUI was covered (and possibly IVF, but I'm not sure). It's a different state and plan
altogether, but I am optimistic that they will cover a lot more than our current insurance does. We are really kept on
our toes by Molly and Mia and all the home improvement projects we want to do, so I'm not given any time to obsess or
feel the baby fever too much. That's a good thing!
I Feel: Fine
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[Laura]
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It's a pain like no other. Maybe it makes me different from everyone else,
but it feels like labor pains
when I have a miscarriage. It's damn near unbearable, and has even started in my back. It's the kind
of pain that only signifies one of the happiest or most devastating moments in a woman's life. I've
been through it seven times too many, and I'm done.
I am never going to subject myself to this again. I just can't
cry over it. I'm only angry. Some
people may find that unsettling because I have two children already, but I'm in no mood to defend
my feelings or prove that I am grateful to have Molly and Mia. It doesn't help that Mia started
pointing to my belly last night and saying "babies!" over and over, and she hasn't forgotten it today.
I guess this is it for us. Something is not right, and no one seems to know why.
I Feel: Disappointed
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[Laura]
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We have been OTL for over 2 years and actively TTC for about 16 months.
It took me six months to get back here. Where has the time gone? Relocating and becoming homeowners
certainly had something to do with it. I am most likely 14 DPO. I had my first BFP two days ago. I followed up today
(not once, but twice), and again, a second line showed up immediately. I found a new OB out here, and I have
an appointment with them next Wednesday (6/28). I'm sure they will go over my medical history and do a blood test to
confirm, and that's probably all they can do at that stage. I really don't want to go through quants this time. I don't
think I can handle it, especially because the last three pregnancies were so misleading. Things started out so well
and suddenly turned into a nightmare.
It all started when I realized that I had one Clomid refill remaining from my previous doctor, and only a month left
to use it. Our last baby was conceived on Clomid as well, so I'm not assured that it will really make a difference
in how things turn out. I just want to have an ultrasound turn out well. The last one was very traumatic, since
the technician couldn't say anything and I knew something was wrong. If I can see a beating heart again,
I know everything will be OK. We need to get through the next couple of weeks without complications in order
for that to happen!
Micah is a lot happier about this than I am. I almost cried when I got the first BFP - not because I didn't want
it to happen, but because I knew how the odds are stacked up against us. This is my 8th pregnancy and our 9th baby!
I Feel: Hopeful
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| Monday, December 19, 2005 |
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[Laura]
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The Christmas season is upon us, and we're all very excited. The obligatory one-cycle wait I imposed on myself is over,
and I'm guessing I O'ed recently. We decided not to keep track and relax, but obviously I keep track of CD1 dates "just in
case". Since the problem appears to be staying pregnant, rather than getting pregnant, I'm fairly confident that something
will happen in the next six months.
Micah has been taking care of himself by eating more healthy foods and taking vitamins regularly. We've also been researching
a few options, such as medications and making an appointment with a urologist. Micah had some abnormal test results, whereas
my tests and blood work have always come back without concern. There's no way to draw a conclusion unless we go back to a fertility
doctor, but I'm not feeling up to that. I know that by TTC, there's a risk of another loss.
We hope and pray that will not happen, but we hope to be blessed with another child.
I must admit that I've always wanted to have four children, and Micah has said that he wanted to have as many children as possible
(which I find pretty amusing). However, we agree that we're lucky to have one child, let alone two (or three). If we
have another child, we agree that it's best to leave things as they are and not "push our luck". We won't do anything permanent
to affirm that plan, but three children certainly wouldn't make us a small family anyway!
I Feel: Content 
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| Saturday, November 5, 2005 |
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[Laura]
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I guess we were optimistic too soon. After a long, silent ultrasound, I finally heard from my doctor that things were
not looking good. A "possible early gestational sac" that was too small to measure and date was indicated on the paper work,
but something seemed to make him suspicious that I had another ectopic pregnancy. I walked out of the hospital terrified.
I don't know how I could handle going through that again.
As the weekend rolled on, my sore neck became impossible to bear.
I couldn't move my head in any direction, and my throat had begun to swell. I couldn't swallow well, and it felt like someone
was choking me. It turns out that I have an infection in my neck/throat area, and needed to stay for an hour or so to get
antibiotics administered via IV. I also had to get a dizzy spell of a blood test, which proved to be worthwhile because the
doctor in the ER ordered a quant. (I had explained the whole situation to him). It had dropped to 148, confirming that I am
having a miscarriage. To be honest, I was somewhat relieved to hear that it wasn't ectopic, and I had been preparing myself
for that news.
I'm very discouraged right now. I wonder if I even can handle the risk of this happening again, though Micah
doesn't want to give up. I'm sure my body needs a few cycles to heal before we can move on, but I want to get the testing
for recurrent miscarriage that my RE should have done months ago. I've had three losses in six months, so it seems that the
problem is not getting pregnant. I'm grateful that none of them have progressed far enough to require a D&C, and it brings
me some peace to think that our angel babies didn't make it long enough to suffer in any way. We now have lost six babies
altogether, and I think that's too many for any couple.
My heart truly goes out to those of you who are experiencing recurrent pregnancy loss - especially if they do not already
have children. I can't stop hugging Molly and Mia tonight, fighting back tears. I thank God every day that we have them,
and they truly are miracles.
I Feel: Sad
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[Laura]
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I've got good news. My quant. went up even more than it needed to be. After 3 tests, I am officially done with that
process! Our first ultrasound is a week from today, and I can't wait! I also have my first OB appointment on November
9th. I'm so happy to have gotten to this stage without complications.
I Feel: Excited
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| Saturday, October 22, 2005 |
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[Laura]
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My pregnancy was confirmed yesterday, but my quant. was only 13 (anything above 5 is
considered positive). The nurse didn't seem very concerned, but she probably doesn't realize
that I'm already a few days late. The only thing that seems to make sense (other than the bad
assumption) is that I O'ed late and/or implanted late. I'm going back on Monday, at which time they want to see
at least 30 on my blood work. I'll be back to update then.
I Feel: Confused 
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[Laura]
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Well, I got a BFP two days ago that has begun to darken. I am trying to get a hold of my OB to set up
blood work. I'm dreading the quant. process, but I know it's necessary to find out if everything is OK.
We're calling this little one our baby bean. Please pray that he/she will stick and stay healthy!
I Feel: Cautious
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[Laura]
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It's CD20, and I must admit - I had to check back to this journal to learn that! I completely lost track.
We've been pretty busy, so TTC has not been in the front of our minds as it had been in recent months. I still
did a round of Clomid, and we timed things as best we could, but I never made it to my ultrasound to check
how many mature follicles I had. That also means I never got my injection. However, if I O'd on time, I
am currently 5 DPO (I also had to check back to figure that out). I'll post again once I'm about 9-10 DPO.
I didn't invest in bulk HPTs this time. While it was great to be able to test whenever I wanted, it made
me obsess too much! I'll buy some Equate tests once I'm ready.
I Feel: Relaxed
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| Monday, September 21, 2005 |
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[Laura]
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Many BFNs later, I'm back to announce I am at CD1 again. That was a tough one! As usual, I have gained back
my anxious tendencies and want to move right along. I should be going in for an U/S on October 4th (Tuesday). I'm so
glad that none of my U/S days have fallen on a weekend! Wish us luck. It hasn't been very long but I'm getting tired!
We've been OTL since the girls were born (16 months), TTC since March (6 months), and this is our 3rd IF cycle.
I Feel: OK
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| Monday, September 5, 2005 |
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[Laura]
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I had my u/s today, and I have 2 mature follicles on the right side. I was very happy with that! The nurse,
who was on vacation the last time I was in the office, was very encouraging and optimistic.
I had my injection, so I will O tomorrow. We aren't going for IUI this cycle after all, due to schedule conflicts.
I feel a lot better about this cycle than the last, and I hope this 2WW doesn't seem as long.
I Feel: Happy 
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[Laura]
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Well, we had no luck. Today is CD1 again, so I need to call and set up appointments. We're
thinking of trying IUI this cycle instead of waiting until the next, but only if we can find a way
to finance it or get our insurance to cover it.
I Feel: Tired
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[Laura]
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The U/S was a bit disappointing. I only had one mature follicle (21 mm), which was on the left side.
There were a number of others on the left that were not mature (all 10 mm or less), and one on the right was 17 mm.
I was not expecting that, but I'm glad that I am ovulating. It felt strange to finally get the trigger shot.
It has been sitting in the medicine cabinet since the day after our initial consultation with the RE.
I am going to ovulate tomorrow morning. It's odd knowing that, since I was told to use OPKs when we were doing IUIs
a couple of years ago. I'm going to test at 10 DPO, which of course is 11 days from now. I am not especially optimistic,
but I know we're doing everything we can right now.
I Feel: Concerned
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[Laura]
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Today's appointment played out in a completely different manner than I anticipated, but things are still going well.
The RE said my follicles were "not ready yet". I was surprised, and slightly disappointed because we had been TTC.
One, on the right side, was 10 mm. Another, on the left, was 15 mm. That was all I overheard from the doctors.
I don't particularly like that aspect of the U/S experience (i.e. overhearing at my last appointment that I had multiple
cysts but that it "didn't look PCOS-ish" and that my uterus was slightly tilted). I had heard this before, so now I'm wondering
how much is behind the problems we've experienced.
Since I wasn't previously monitored while on Clomid, I am new to this process. Due to the
outcome of the U/S, they decided to go ahead with the HSG. It was more painful than the one I had a couple of years
ago, but it's a quick process. The problem was that I had the girls with me. Micah had a busy work schedule, and my family
lives 150 miles from us. Thankfully, a nurse in radiology had a lot of fun pushing their stroller around in the hallways while I was in there!
I need to go back for another U/S on Monday, which I hope is not too late.
I want to make sure we cover our tracks over the weekend just in case, but I'm sure the doctor knows what she's doing.
At that point, I'll finally get that trigger shot. I wasn't aware until now that Novarel also increases the risk of multiple pregnancies, but
we're open to that possibility. Everyone is really supportive of our decision, and we can't wait for this infertility
slump to be behind us.
Wish us luck... We have 2-3 cycles (including this one) to make this work. After that, the RE wants us to start IUIs, which
we both don't want to do and can't because our health insurance doesn't cover it this time!
I Feel: Nervous
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[Laura]
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It's CD 11, which means my U/S and Novarel (HCG trigger) injection are tomorrow. They had trouble scheduling
my HSG, so that won't be happening this cycle. They want to do it tomorrow, but I don't feel comfortable with having
it done that late in the cycle. I've been taking prenatal vitamins and 81 mg aspirin daily, and took Clomid on CD 3-7.
Once I'm 1-2 DPO, I am going to start using natural (OTC) progesterone cream. After that, we're in the 2WW. I'm
not the type of person who can wait until AF is late to test, but I also won't get too discouraged if I get a BFN
due to testing too early. I'll probably start trying to test around 10 DPO.
I Feel: Excited
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[Laura]
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Well, here we are at CD 1. The doctor prescribed Clomid (to my surprise) and Novarel. I should be getting blood work on
Wednesday, a HSG sometime around Friday, and an U/S (follicle check) on August 5th. I need to schedule
all of this in the morning, then figure out how I will get there with the girls! Micah can't take time off for all of
those appointments, but at least they are going to allow me to do the blood work at BMC. We've been waiting for a few months
to TTC again, so it's good to know that we are back on track. I am cautiously optimistic, and Micah seems more concerned
with the risk of m/c than how long it will take us to get PG. Send lots of baby dust our way, and best
of luck to those reading this who are currently TTC!
I Feel: Anxious
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[Laura]
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We're finally getting ready to TTC. We have been OTL since the girls were born, but
it wasn't until I became PG in March that we confirmed our desire to have another child.
I had a m/c, but I became PG again the following month. That also ended in
an early m/c. We have decided to wait two cycles before trying again, and I am on CD3
of the second cycle. We are seeing a RE on July 11th - an appointment
we've postponed several times due to schedule conflicts. Our current health insurance does not
cover infertility-related procedures, but testing is covered. I am fairly certain that is all we
will need.
I hope this journey is a short and exciting one, and I look forward to sharing
it with all of you!
I Feel: Optimistic
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